Just Say Glow

Ahh, the start of a new year…  Do you know anyone right now who is not looking to make tracks with good habits and progress towards goals?  January is always a popular month for launching new life plans and visions.  But how many of us have motivation that lasts into February and beyond?

In feeding our addiction this month for tools and practices to maintain inspiration and commitment, we came across a great strategy from a story in the January issue of Runners’ World Magazine:  developing a personal mantra to carry yourself through challenging moments.

The word “mantra” comes from Sanskrit and means “instrument for thinking.”  The key is to construct an instrument that speaks to what bolsters YOU.  According to sports psychologists, effective mantras should:

1.  Address what you want to feel, not the adversity you are trying to overcome

2.  Be short, positive, instructive and full of action words Read more…

This time of year, we are all juggling packed schedules as well as the societal pressure to be celebratory and make the most of “the season.”  We have less choice than usual about all the action we take in the outside world:  entertaining, running errands, attending parties, making special contact with friends and family.  So what can we do amidst our attempts to achieve the festive ideal?  How can we stay grounded, happy, peaceful?

At Just Say Glow, remember we are about exfoliation for your life!  So when things get crazy, we try to remember these 3 simple commandments:

1.  I am human and thus should strive to meet human (not superhuman!) standards.

2.  I am my first and primary commitment. If I am not making myself happy, and serving my own needs, it will limit my capacity to serve and bring happiness to others as effectively as I want to.

3.  Life is managed, not cured.  I may not be able to make something go away but I CAN make it better.  I can identify strategies to offset a challenge or address a nagging issue or negative feeling. Read more…

At Just Say Glow, we are serious advocates for the benefits available from planning and goal setting.  Besides getting more done in less time, we love the feelings of power and effectiveness we feel inside when we are operating within a framework and action plan we have created.  In the article “10 Tips to a Stress-Free Holiday,” Beth Tabak gives some terrific guidance on how crafting a vision and identifying clear priorities can be particularly applied to make this busy time of year a more peaceful and rewarding one. Read more…

Sometimes we say things thinking we mean well, but do we really?  When you advise on your partner’s attire, or suggest your child comb her hair, is it truly their best interest you have at heart?  Or might you be reacting to how you think it all reflects on YOU?

In her Wall Street Journal article “Which Clothes Make the Man?”, Cathy Bernstein examines how couples interact on sartorial choices and what motivations really lie behind the opinions.  She looks at how couples change over time.  Two common trends:  early efforts to “look nice” for the partner give way to comfort/laziness over time; and women think they know more than men about fashion and rarely appreciate criticism from mates on clothing choices.

While thinking about how we dress or ask others to dress can be humorous (and useful for promoting peace in the household!), we are interested in the larger communication issue:  why so often we fail to say what we really mean, and toask for what we truly want?  If we feel more attracted to our partner when they look a certain way, or experience that wearing sloppy or dirty clothes makes us feel like they don’t care what we think, why don’t we say that? Read more…

In the article “Bribing Kids for Good Behavior,” author Annie Stuart differentiates rewards from bribes.  She cites a parenting author and writes “Bribery is offered during bad behavior to make it stop or in anticipation of bad behavior… A reward is applause for a job well done and can help encourage future good behavior.”  Advocates suggest that, particularly when trying to teach new behaviors or overcome difficulties, the reward can be a useful shaping tool.

Some parenting experts (and parents!) believe that any form of reward, regardless of when it is offered, interferes in a child’s developing his own sense of self-discipline and motivation.  In Stuart’s article, other experts theorize that tangible rewards communicate a parental belief that the child is not capable of simply behaving well or being self-motivated apart from parental demands. Read more…

We just do not celebrate doing things slowly in our culture.  The most common response I hear from people when asked “how are you” is “busy!”  Is that how you feel?  Is “busy” a GOOD feeling?

For me, it sort of depends.  When I’m busy because I’m stimulated by my work and so absorbed that it is difficult to tear myself away to take care of other necessities and commitments, busy can be good… busy in that case is life forcing me into more balance.  When the busy is running or being pulled in lots of different directions, with no clear focus or sense that I am steering the ship towards the larger goals and directions I most value, busy is not a happy feeling for me. Read more…

In yoga today, my instructor mentioned at least five times that a particular pose should feel “super good” on whatever body part it was we were stretching/extending/rotating at the time.  I found myself wondering why “good” wasn’t good enough? Read more…

“Ancient roots are no more sacred or important than new growth.”

So said esteemed author Anita Diamant (The Red Tent) in an address to my community a couple of years ago.  The statement moved me and I recorded it in my “memos” on my phone to remember it.  Recently, energized by a bout of “fall cleaning”, I reviewed all my memos to see if I could clear out some cobwebs and old, unused content taking up space.  I came across this gem and was again reminded of the importance and utility of BALANCE in increasing and maintaining happiness in life.

Fall is a time when many of us experience thoughts of renewal, tradition, and cycles in life.  From back to school, to the Jewish holidays, to the shortening hours of sun each day, this season seems to represent a change and often a turn to introspection or “deeper” endeavors,  in contrast to the carefree and indulgent whimsy-filled days of summer.  I find myself refocusing on projects and responsibilities waylaid or set aside in the enjoyment of long summer days and languid nights.  And it feels better to work and to focus now, than it did at the end of the winter, after my refreshing schedule shift over the summer.   It’s a balance! Read more…

Is it possible that fighting can strengthen your marriage or relationship?  In her article “How to Fight Right,” Elizabeth Bernstein shares findings from some experts which suggest that it is HOW we fight that matters when it comes to relationship health.  Helpful behaviors rely upon genuinely active, patient and open listening and staying in touch with the larger goal of shared happiness.

Bernstein looks at our societal emphasis on winning as one significant cause of conflict and “bad” fighting.  If we “believe that success means winning—and if one side wins, the other must lose,” we are not exactly looking for compromises or solutions that meet the needs of both parties. Read more…

Do you think working harder makes you better?  According to author Peter Orszag in the article “The Effort is the Prize,” dedicated hours of practice may far exceed talent in helping us achieve success in many arenas.  He states that “conventional wisdom significantly exaggerates the relative role of innate and immutable ability in complex tasks.”

In other words, spending tremendous time and effort working towards mastery not only leads to greater skill for most of us, most of the time, but also probably has a larger impact on the results achieved than the talent or skill we had at the outset.

Peter then looks at the interesting question of WHY some people are willing and able to sustain this intensity while others cannot or do not.  He cites Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck and attributes much of this ability to mindset.  That is, that people tend to bring to a situation either “a fixed mindset, which occurs when someone believes that personal qualities like intelligence are immutable, or a growth mindset, which occurs when someone believes that skills and characteristics can be cultivated through effort.” Read more…