In the article “Bribing Kids for Good Behavior,” author Annie Stuart differentiates rewards from bribes. She cites a parenting author and writes “Bribery is offered during bad behavior to make it stop or in anticipation of bad behavior… A reward is applause for a job well done and can help encourage future good behavior.” Advocates suggest that, particularly when trying to teach new behaviors or overcome difficulties, the reward can be a useful shaping tool.
Some parenting experts (and parents!) believe that any form of reward, regardless of when it is offered, interferes in a child’s developing his own sense of self-discipline and motivation. In Stuart’s article, other experts theorize that tangible rewards communicate a parental belief that the child is not capable of simply behaving well or being self-motivated apart from parental demands.
In our work, we find that parents today really struggle on this issue. There is a sense that our culture has become so much more indulgent than the one in which we grew up, that not rewarding almost equates to depriving. At the same time, most of the parents we work with (ourselves included!) feel much better about ourselves and our children when we allow the satisfaction of a job well done, or the smile from a parent or teacher, to serve as its own reward. We are also proud when we tolerate the messiness, lateness etc generated by waiting out a tough period of rebellious behavior, and see our children eventually come around without us stacking the deck with a promised payoff.
How does this issue play out in your family? Are you a believer in rewards or not? Do you think there is ever a useful time for bribing kids? What other strategies have worked for you in effecting desired changes in your kids’ behavior?
The rest of the Just Say Glow community would love your suggestions! Thanks for sharing…
You can read the entire article here:
http://www.webmd.com/parenting/features/bribing-kids-for-good-behavior
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