Is it possible that fighting can strengthen your marriage or relationship? In her article “How to Fight Right,” Elizabeth Bernstein shares findings from some experts which suggest that it is HOW we fight that matters when it comes to relationship health. Helpful behaviors rely upon genuinely active, patient and open listening and staying in touch with the larger goal of shared happiness.
Bernstein looks at our societal emphasis on winning as one significant cause of conflict and “bad” fighting. If we “believe that success means winning—and if one side wins, the other must lose,” we are not exactly looking for compromises or solutions that meet the needs of both parties.
How do you handle disagreements with your partner? What behaviors or techniques do you find helpful in resolving things? And what tends to exacerbate a conflict in your house?
When my husband and I first got together, we brought very different childhood experiences of conflict management. I was very talkative and emotional, even enjoying the drama of resolving differences. My husband was more stoic and tolerant. He was less willing and far less able to resolve disputes when I was indulging my dramatic side. First I learned that I had to tone it down if I wanted him to engage. Then, I gained the side benefit of realizing how much easier it was to stay connected to our love and what truly mattered when I remained CALM during a tough conversation. It was not easy for me in the beginning, but I am truly grateful for those early lessons. And the new habit comes in darn handy when my daughter throws drama at me!
What works for you in your relationships? What behaviors are you still working to master or develop? Can we help?
Read the whole article here:
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB20001424052748703700904575391013484475040.html
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