Have you noticed there is a lot being written lately about the science of happiness? Did you know there actually IS research on what makes us happy and how we can create more of it? Let’s explore one of the concepts in this new science: increasing your happiness by OBSERVING instead of being DRIVEN by your thoughts, feelings, and reactions.
With all the stress of the economy and cultural pressures, it can seem harder now than ever to stay objective about our thoughts and reactions.
But here’s the cool tip: understanding that just because these things HAPPEN (we react, flush, feel irritated, or have thoughts of guilt or self-beratement or “shoulds”)… doesn’t make those thoughts REAL or SIGNIFICANT. Your body sweats to cool itself. It doesn’t care whether the flush of heat came from embarrassment or suddenly entering a steam room! Sweat itself does not have to be a trigger for fear or shame, even if in the moment your perspiration broke out you know you were facing a challenge.
Whatever thought or reaction you have just had, you have 100% choice about what you do next. Whether your kids dragged their feet and made you late again, or you said you wouldn’t eat the cake and then you did, or your mother just eyeballed your holiday outfit with what you perceive as disdain, you DON’T have to react with that initial response!
See if you can watch that thought or feeling happen, and then watch it recede. Can you be a scientist with yourself? Two huge benefits accrue: first, by engaging the observer energy, you rob the “reactor” of the energy that usually leads you to lash out, beat yourself up, etc.
Secondly, by exercising control over yourself AND seeing that in the space of observation you really do have some time and choice… you actually are toning and strengthening your ability to stay centered and grounded.
Feeling happy is a choice, and it doesn’t always just happen. But people who are able to maintain equilibrium in the face of stress, not surprisingly, feel a greater sense of control over what happens to them and thus show up in the happiness research as having a greater level of satisfaction and enjoyment then those buffeted more by circumstance.
Consider how stress and unpleasant feelings affect you. Does your way of managing these things increase your sense of control and satisfaction with yourself? Or is this a muscle where you could use some “toning up”?
Consider joining one of our Glow Workshops for a fun way to build important skills!
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