Ah, the power of speech. Words can have a huge impact… but what of the power of LISTENING? When we speak, we all hope our intended meaning is the one perceived by our audience. But is it?
Consider the recent uproar over author and law professor Amy Chua’s book “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother.” She says she was writing a memoir, offering an individual’s experience of anguish whether her traditional Chinese parenting approach was as effective as it could be and the judgments she had against the more lax Western models.
The reaction publicly was first a “15 minutes of fame” kind of suggestion that the book proffered the newest aha in parenting philosophy. That was quickly followed by outrage at the extreme approach taken by Chua and backlash that anyone would acclaim this book as a how-to rather than a how-not-to guide. Finally we began to hear more from Chua herself, arguing that she never meant her book as self help but only as one mom’s personal reflections on the experience of parenting and the self-doubt that seems a requisite accompaniment.
Whether her spoken words are the truth, or just her own backpedaling in reaction to the public’s outcry, we don’t and won’t know. Yet isn’t this really ALWAYS the case… we say or write things and others hear from within their own framework, beliefs, distractions etc. And our listening is always shaped by our preconceived thoughts and current circumstances.
So what’s a gal to do? Well, of course choose our words with care and attention. And perhaps before we speak or write, take a few extra moments for self reflection… the clearer we are on what we are trying to communicate, the more likely we are to pick the words that make it easier for others to grasp our intended meaning. Then after we speak, how about some extra patience for the listener(s)? Checking in to see if what they got is what we meant? And really observing their reactions to tell us whether the communication was received as intended or if further speaking on your part may be required?
Remember that it never hurts to grant others grace. They will always be responsible for their own experience and what they take away from an interaction with you or someone else. What you want them to get may be less important to them than what they choose to get! By the same token, their “misperception” may yield back to you insight and value beyond what you ever saw for yourself… if you can be open to it.
What do you think about the power of words? Have you had any experiences as the speaker or listener where you have been frustrated by the other person’s failure to grasp your meaning? Or a lesson learned from having to work harder to ensure your communication is what you truly intend?
Let us hear from you!
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