Quick: name the top 5 worst things about yourself. Now, when was the last time you talked about any of them?
A muffin top or addiction to reality tv may be flaws you discuss with others, but are they really that big a deal? What about the underlying issues or aspects of yourself that might REALLY be responsible… like believing you are lazy, or deserving of punishment, or racked by insecurity? True or not (and usually NOT, or not nearly as much as we fear about ourselves!), these may be flaws you are almost unwilling to admit to yourself let alone discuss with someone else!
In fact, you may be exaggerating feelings of shame or worthlessness by NOT acknowledging the deeper issue. Research suggests that “shedding light” on a normally hidden or ignored aspect of one’s self can be a pivotal tool for diminishing the feeling and the self judgement. Being willing to even open the door diminishes the guilt we layer on top of concerns that makes them loom so large.
With women in particular, we find that most of the time the friend we open up to shares much of our same insecurity! Also, your sharing creates an environment of trust and comfort, providing your friend with the opportunity to explore or share in ways she may have felt constrained from doing before you spoke up and broke the ice.
So what have you got to lose? A big pile of self loathing that leads you to procrastinate, over eat, or just feel grumpy?? Grab a piece of paper right now and write down the 5 BIG things you really don’t like about yourself, and then go out there and see how much debunking and support is really available!
After that, have some fun with the flip side exercise… really considering the 5 best things about who you are as a person! People that love you want to hear about those for sure, and probably will have some traits to add!
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